PASTORAL LETTER 2025
MOST REV. VALERIAN M. OKEKE
Archbishop of Onitsha
INTRODUCTION
GRATITUDE:
1. Our joyful praise is due to our Loving Father, Almighty God whose hand of
providence is evident in our lives and pastoral duties. We gratefully recall some
major events of the last year 2024. These include but are not limited to: the
celebration of the year of prayer with the Universal Church in preparation for the
jubilee year of hope 2025; the 100 years of All Hallows Seminary, Onitsha; the
100 years of Bigard Memorial Seminary, Enugu – former St. Paul’s Seminary
which started in Onitsha Archdiocese; the hosting of the new Apostolic Nuncio,
Archbishop Michael Francis Crotty, the first Irish Apostolic Nuncio to Nigeria,
evoking the happy memories of our beloved Irish missionaries; the remarkable
achievements of our institutions, the dedicated efforts and pastoral strides of our
priests, responsive and responsible lay-faithfuls, giving birth to the Shanahan
University, Onitsha – the first University in the great ancient city of Onitsha.
These are all testaments of God’s goodness. Truly, as we look back on the past
year, our hearts overflow with joy and gratitude, compelling us to give thanks.
To our merciful God be glory, honour, praise and thanksgiving forever.
2. This is a jubilee year! Jubilee embodies the need for gratitude, reconciliation,
forgiveness, and renewal. It is a family celebration in its Jewish origin. In this
jubilee year of hope, it is our desire to focus on the Christian family built on the
Christian marriage. Nurturing hope within a healthy Christian family will ensure
a meaningful jubilee celebration.
Marriage is a divine institution through which a man and a woman give
themselves to each other in a life-long love covenant. It is one of the most
beautiful human relationships. The love that exists between husband and wife
mirrors the love of God for humanity. Marriage is a path to holiness, a means of
salvation. The future of our society depends to a large extent on the health of
marriages today because marriage is the nucleus of every society.
3. Every society is built on families, formed through the sacred union of a man
and a woman in the marriage bond (cf. Gen. 2:24). But, today we find the
institution of marriage and the Christian family facing an unprecedented crisis.
As a community, we cannot remain indifferent as every facet of Christian
marriage is under siege. In this matter, no good pastor would be aloof. It is the
duty of pastors to guide the people aright. Today, the nature of marriage is
threatened by same-sex unions, its unity is damaged by polygamy, its permanence
and indissolubility are contested by divorce, its pro-creative purpose is
undermined by certain artificial reproductive technologies, its well-being iscompromised by conflicts, poverty, and illness and the integrity of marriage is
challenged by contract marriages and unions lacking true commitment and the
essence of marriage.
Addressing this urgent matter is crucial in the light of the confusion and crisis
they are generating. It is our hope that the reflections we will share in this pastoral
letter will serve as a guiding light to our flock to navigate these difficult terrains
in their Christian journey.
MOTIVATION AND CHOICE OF TOPIC:
4. In our pastoral letter of 2008, we reflected on the Family and Human Life.
There, we defined the family following the teachings of the Church as “a man
and a woman united in marriage, together with their children” (CCC 2202). “It
is a divine institution that stands at the foundation of life of the human person…”
(Benedict XVI, The Human Family, no. 2; Okeke, V.M. Family and Human Life,
no. 7).
It follows that society rises and falls on the family as its basic unit. But family
can only exist through marriage. Therefore, it is our intention this time to reflect
on marriage as the origin of the family and society. Our primary concern is the
Christian marriage.
In this reflection, we are representing the Christian marriage and its mystery for
a new appreciation and commitment in a world filled with challenges and
confusion. The choice of this topic imposes on us the duty to present a substantial
exploration of Christian marriage that explains its divine origin, sacramental
nature, and vocational significance, while addressing its pastoral implications in
the modern society. By situating the discussion within the broader context of
Catholic Theology, we seek to affirm marriage as a sacred and indissoluble union
reflecting God’s covenantal love. As we examine the scriptural foundations,
historical evolution and doctrinal significance of marriage within the Church, we
hope to address the contemporary challenges and shifts in cultural attitudes
towards marriage and family. We hope that this will assist healthy Christian
discipleship.
5. Since it is our knowledge that society rises and falls on the family as its basic
unit, we wish to underscore that societies are as healthy as their component
families. The Christian family is built on Christian marriage. A healthy society is
a function of healthy families while at the same time, a healthy family is rooted
in a healthy marriage. A healthy marriage gives rise to a healthy family, while
healthy families give birth to a good society, a healthy Church and spiritually
prosperous souls raised for the household of God and sustenance of the society.CHAPTER ONE
NOTION AND MEANING OF MARRIAGE
6. WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
Marriage is described by the Catechism of the Catholic Church as a partnership
in which the spouses’ become co-operators with God in the procreation and
upbringing of children (cf. CCC 1652). Marriage has a unitive aspect and a
procreative dimension. Having been raised by Christ to the dignity of a
sacrament, it is a vocation to parenthood and a call to mission. It is a means of
sanctification for the spouses as they become living witnesses to the love of God
in Christ, which is unselfish, sacrificial, and unconditional.
7. As a natural institution, marriage is viewed as a legally and socially recognized
union between a man and a woman which establishes rights and obligations
between them as husband and wife. The institution of marriage is as old as
creation itself. It occupies a unique place in the history of human society as it
guarantees the perpetuation and survival of the society. Marriage has taken
different forms in different societies with its anthropological, cultural and
religious dimensions. However, a comprehensive meaning of marriage is better
given by enumerating some of its major features.
1.1 MARRIAGE AS A HUMAN REALITY
8. Marriage is a foundational institution that is integral to every human society. It
is recognized in all cultures, traditions and customs. This is based on the fact that
God created man and woman for a special relationship. The need for such a
relationship was engraved in their nature. According to the Bible, the book of
Genesis 1:27, “So God created mankind in his image…, male and female, he
created them”. It seems there is a natural urge to seek completeness by bonding
with each other. Hence, the experience of love between man and woman is one
of the major characteristics that distinguish human beings from other living
creatures. Man, like woman, was not meant to live alone but to be in relationship
with each other.
According to the scriptures, woman was created from the side of man. Thus, the
relationship between man and woman is properly a human reality. This is
demonstrated by the fact that every society and culture have made some attempts
to protect this relationship with some form of laws and customs since it is through
such relationship that human society is perpetuated. We can therefore say that
marriage as a human reality is a social contract between one man and one woman
which establishes rights and obligations between them, their families, their
offspring and the larger society. In this way marriage promotes social stabilityand continuity of the human race. It has been part of human nature from the
beginning.
1.2 MARRIAGE AS A RELIGIOUS REALITY
9. The love between husband and wife has its deepest root in God because it
comes from God and in some way reveals the nature and image of God. The
authentic love between a man and a woman reflects the nature of God who is
love. The book of Genesis says that “God created man in his image; in the image
of God, he created him, male and female he created them”.
After creating them, God instructed them “to increase and multiply” (cf. Gen.1:
26-27). Thus, even before Christianity, marriage has been a deep religious reality.
In the profound experience of the married love between a man and a woman, there
is an aspect which evokes the mysterious and sacred nature of this divinely
instituted relationship. There is an aspect of marriage which must reflect the
image of God. Wherever there is true married love between a man and a woman,
there is the presence of God there. St. John the Apostle states; “God is love,
whoever abides in love abides in God and God abides in him” (1 John 4:16). In
this sense, marriage is a beautiful human reality full of profound religious
meanings.
Following the above understanding, the Catholic Church teaches that “the
marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves
a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good
of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring, has been raised by
Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized” (Can. 1055
#1). In this definition, the Church uses the word “covenant” to describe marriage.
This links marriage to the covenant between God and his chosen people Israel
and agrees with St. Paul’s teaching that Christian marriage is a reflection of the
covenantal relationship between Christ and his bride the Church. Indeed,
marriage from the beginning has always been seen as divine.
The Fathers of the Second Vatican Council confirm this when they wrote that “by
that human act whereby spouses mutually bestow and accept each other a
relationship arises which by divine will and in the eyes of society too is a lasting
one. For the good of the spouses and their offspring as well as of society, the
existence of the sacred bond no longer depends on human decisions alone. For,
God himself is the author of matrimony, endowed as it is with various benefits
and purposes” (Gaudium et Spes, no. 48). God is the author of marriage as
attested by the teachings of Sacred Scripture and human reasoning.1.3 MARRIAGE IS ONLY BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN
10. Marriage is a special kind of relationship. Our Lord Jesus Christ while
teaching on marriage says, two of them become one as the spouses “are no longer
two, but one flesh” (Matt. 19:6).
Marriage relationship is not only permanent and exclusive, it is above all between
a man and a woman. The Divine Creator intended marriage to be a celebration of
the similarities and differences, the unity-in-diversity and the complementarity of
the spouses.
God designed the man and the woman in such a way that they will need and
complement each other. It is not only oriented towards their happiness but also
towards the procreation and upbringing of children. “The Church’s teaching on
marriage and on the complementarity of the sexes reiterates a truth that is evident
to right reason and recognized as such by all the major cultures of the world.
Marriage is not just any relationship between human beings. It was established
by the Creator with its own nature, essential properties and purpose. No ideology
can erase from the human spirit the certainty that marriage exists solely between
a man and a woman, who by mutual personal gift, proper and exclusive to
themselves, tend towards the communion of their person” (Congregation for the
Doctrine of the Faith, on proposals to give legal recognition to unions between
homosexual persons, 3rd June, 2003).
1.4 MARRIAGE AS A VOCATION
11. The Catholic Church believes and teaches that marriage is a vocation. The
choice to marry is more than simply falling in love with someone of the opposite
gender. It is a choice that involves a call from God and a response from a man
and a woman who are attracted to each other, who are willing by the help of divine
grace, to make a life-long, faithful and sacramental partnership of love and life.
The vocation to marriage is a particular way of living the universal call to holiness
of life given to every Christian in the sacrament of baptism. While some are called
to ordained ministry or vowed religious life, the majority of Christians are called
to the life of marriage. All these are ways of responding to the Lord who says,
“Follow me”.
The first step to marriage should be the realization that God has a plan for
everyone. It is good to pray for wisdom to discern God’s plan for the individual
and the courage to follow it. When one discerns a calling to marriage from God,
then one should follow up by calling upon the Holy Spirit to guide in the choice
of the right person. With prayer one makes the right choice and enters a holymarriage which is a unique relationship of life and love, an image of the unfailing
love with which God loves us.
1.5 THE ENDS OF MARRIAGE
12. Marriage has two clear ends or purposes, namely, the good of the spouses and
the procreation and education of offspring. The Catechism of the Catholic Church
states that, “the spouses
’ union achieves the two-fold ends of marriage: the good
of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two ends or values
of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couples’ spiritual life and
compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family. The conjugal
love of man and woman thus stands under the twofold obligations of fidelity and
fecundity” (CCC. 2363).
The first end of marriage is established in Genesis 2:18 which says, “it is not
good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him”. The
good that God intends for the man and the woman is that their marriage takes
each one out of selfishness, self-centeredness and egoism and brings them to love
one another in self-sacrifice and selfless love.
The second end of marriage is also established in Genesis 1:27-28 which states
that “God created man in his own image, created them male and female. God
blessed them and said to them, be fruitful and multiply.…”. This means that God
has given an extraordinary mission to husband and wife, to carry on the work of
creation, to be co-creators with Him as they increase and multiply.
13. From the above features, we can affirm that the marriage institution reveals
the divine creative wisdom that assigns a unique sacramental value to the man-
woman relationship, relative to a divine-human relationship. The Christian
marriage is properly constituted by the matrimonial covenant, by which a man
and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole life and
which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and
education of offspring. Apart from being the sacrament of human fullness,
completion and fulfilment of both male and female, the Christian marriage
provides a cure from over attachment to primal instincts and human passions. It
is a call to parenthood and mission to sanctify the world with married love.CHAPTER TWO
BIBLICAL FOUNDATIONS OF MARRIAGE
14. The Sacred Scripture begins and ends with a clear reference to marriage. From
the first book of the Bible to the last book, the scripture is rich in its doctrine on
marriage. The book of Genesis opens with the creation of the first human couple:
“So God created man in his image…, male and female, he created them. God
blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and multiply….
” (Gen. 1 27-28). The
book of Revelation which is the last book of the Bible, evokes the image of a
“wedding”. “Then the Angel said to me, write this: Blessed are those who are
invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb” (Rev. 19:9). This applies the spousal
image to Christ, as a fundamental metaphor to express the alliance finally fulfilled
between God and his people. We shall briefly study some of the books of the Old
and New Testaments which treated marriage before we give a general summary
on the biblical foundations of marriage.
2.1 MARRIAGE IN THE OLD TESTAMENT
15. The institution of marriage is found in the creation narrative of the first book
of the Bible. Also, the prophets and the wisdom literatures used marriage as a
wonderful metaphor for the relationship between God and his people.
I.THE BOOK OF GENESIS
This first book of the Bible helps us to understand the nature and purpose of
marriage. The book of Genesis was written in most part to convey the origin of
things in the world including the origin of the human family. In the case of man
and woman, God created them in his image but made them different physically,
psychologically, mentally and emotionally but built into their nature a strong
desire for each other. They felt incomplete without each other and felt the need
for cooperation and complementarity. The first act of God was to “bless them”
(Gen. 1:28). In this way, we can say that God solemnized the first marriage in
Eden. It was a marriage between Adam and Eve. This act of God illustrates God’s
ideal for marriage, that is, it should be between a man and a woman. God joined
Adam and Eve together in a life-long commitment that they can form a human
and godly family.
The book of Genesis also reports that God gave them the powers and the mandate
“to be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28). He thus made them co-creators with
himself. In this way, God willed procreation and made the conjugal union sacred
and limited or proper within marriage. The Bible further records that the man,
Adam was so happy with the union that he exclaimed in joy, “this one at last isthe bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh….” (Gen. 2: 22-23). Thus, God
made marriage to be a beautiful, enjoyable and fulfilling experience.
II.THE PROPHETS
16. From the time of Abraham, God made a covenant with the people of Israel.
Hence, they see themselves as a covenantal community. But, very often in their
relationships with God, they disregarded the covenant, went away from the terms
and God always made efforts to bring them back. God chose prophets from
among them to always remind the people of their covenantal responsibilities.
The Old Testament prophets were considered a living representation of God’s
purpose and presence. These prophets used many images to communicate their
messages. Prominent among these images was the symbol of marriage.
The prophet Jeremiah used the image of the devotion of a young bride to
challenge the infidelity of Israel to God. The prophet said to the people of Israel,
“I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me and
followed me through the wilderness, through a land not sown” (Jer. 2: 1-2).
Jeremiah used this bride-metaphor to speak against the infidelity of Israel and to
call them back to repentance, reconciliation and renewal of their covenant with
God. God alone was divine but he was like a husband married to Israel.
17. The prophet Ezekiel during his time described Israel as an unfaithful wife.
The prophet said to the people as a nation, “you adulterous wife…, I will sentence
you to the punishment of women who commit adultery and who shed blood….”
(Ezek. 16: 32-38). Ezekiel presented Jerusalem’s ruin as the disgrace of an
unfaithful wife who deserves to be punished. The image of marriage described
God-Israel relationship in this narrative.
18. The prophet Isaiah, in his message of hope and restoration, described God as
the husband of Israel who can never change his love for his bride. God may be
angry for a moment but his love for Israel is irrevocable. God said to Israel, “Do
not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be
humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth, and remember no more the
reproach of your widowhood. For your maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty
is his name, the Holy One of Israel is your redeemer, he is called the God of all
the earth” (Is. 54:4-5). Isaiah presented God as an ever-faithful husband who has
fallen in love with Israel and was ready to do everything possible to win her love
back. The image of marriage runs through the entire narrative.
19. The prophet Hosea employed the metaphor of marriage to describe the ever-
faithfulness of God and the constant infidelity of Israel. God instructed the
prophet Hosea to marry an unfaithful wife. This marriage between him and hiswife Gomar, God used to demonstrate his relationship with Israel, who was
unfaithful by worshipping the gods of the Canaanites.
The message of Hosea includes that husband and wife should grow together even
during conflicts, misunderstanding and challenges through peaceful resolution.
God used the metaphor of marriage between Hosea and Gomar to testify to his
divine love for, and patience with his people. The unending love and fidelity of
God as exemplified in the marriage metaphor by Prophet Hosea is important for
the stability of every marriage relationship today.
III.The Wisdom Literature
20. The Wisdom Literature has a lot to teach on marriage.
Principally, the wisdom books personified wisdom as a female person who
constitutes the ideal wife, the ideal “spouse” whom every young man should be
eager to marry. The literature agrees with or confirms the overall Old Testament
image of marriage as a metaphor for the bond between God and his people. The
bond is like a marital relationship. Wisdom literature teaches that marriage lived
well between virtuous spouses, is a mysterious participation in the covenantal
relationship of Israel with God. It presents the virtuous wife in particular as an
embodiment of divine wisdom. The books have profound praise for fidelity in
marriage and uphold the importance and role of a virtuous wife in the human
society. The book of proverb ends with an encomium to the virtuous wife (Prov.
31:10-31), and the book of Sirach presents a good wife as wisdom personified
(Sir. 24).
2.2 MARRIAGE IN THE NEW TESTAMENT
21. The New Testament has so much to say about marriage but for the purpose of
this letter, we shall limit our discuss to the principal teachings of Jesus Christ on
marriage and the Epistle of St. Paul to the Ephesians.
There are some instances in the Bible where Jesus gave a clear teaching on
marriage. At some others, he made references to the nature and purpose of
marriage. Some of the passages include the following: Matthew 19:3-6, Mark 10:
2-12, Luke 16:18ff and others.
For the purpose of this pastoral letter, we shall concentrate on the Gospel of
Matthew. Some of the lessons are:
I. From the beginning, the Creator made them male and female (Matt. 19:4)
22. Here Jesus was responding to the Pharisees who wanted to test him on
marriage. He went back to the divine origin of marriage, the nature as designedby God who instituted it, the privilege given to man and woman as co-creators,
the complementarity inherent in both sexes and the fact that before the law came,
marriage has been. Jesus made it clear that marriage predates sin, law and culture.
II. For this reason, a man leaves his father and mother and be united to his
wife (Matt. 19:4)
Here Jeus reveals one of the essential properties of marriage which is unity. Unity
is considered a property of marriage by virtue of the natural law. It is a property
of all marriages not just Jewish or Christian marriages. This property is not a
quality external to marriage but it is inherent in the nature of marriage itself. Jesus
teaches that marriage is an exclusive relationship between a man and a woman
who mutually give and accept each other.
III. And the two become one flesh (Matt. 19:5)
Here Jesus points to one of the mysteries of marriage where two become one. It
is through this oneness that children are procreated. Again, through this oneness,
the husband and wife become parents, share life and love together, serve God,
grow in intimacy in the marriage bond that they feel as extensions of each other.
No wonder St. Paul says, that he who loves his wife loves himself…. (Eph. 5:28).
In fact, this is a great mystery realized in true marriage.
IV. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder (Matt. 19:6)
Here Jesus exposes another essential property of marriage known as
indissolubility. To say that a marriage is indissoluble implies that it is a perpetual
relationship which should not be terminated and cannot be terminated till death.
The Church upholds these teachings of Christ for all valid Christian marriages
(cf. Can. 1056). Marriage as God intended it is a commitment for life.
2.3 MARRIAGE IN ST. PAUL
23. Going through the writings of St. Paul, one discovers that the Apostle holds
marriage in a very high regard as an important part of God’s plan.
In his letter to the Ephesians (Eph. 5:31-33), he says, “For this reason a man will
leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become
one flesh. This is a profound mystery….
”
. St. Paul based his teachings and
argument on the scriptures and not human culture, human emotions or experience.
He advised couples to be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.
St. Paul described Christian marriage as a reflection of the relationship between
Christ and his Church. He argued for unity and indissolubility of Christian
marriage based on their oneness in Christ.24. In conclusion, we can affirm that the concept of marriage is deeply rooted in
the Bible. The divine origin and significance of marriage are shown as part of
God’s creative and salvific plan. The creation of man expresses its fullness and
meaning in the creation of family and the institution of marriage. Besides being
ordained by God, which is fundamental in His creative wisdom, the biblical
narrative highlights the goods of marriage. While the first account highlighted the
procreative dimension of marriage (the good of the offspring, Gen.1:27-28), the
second account gives the unitive (the companionship or the good of the spouses,
Gen. 2:18-24).
The creation narrative also highlights the equality of the spouses and dignity of
both sexes as man and woman are created in the image of God (Gen. 1:27).
The prophets used the metaphor of marriage to show God’s faithful love to Israel.
God’s steadfast love endures forever illustrating the covenantal and redemptive
dimensions of marriage.
25. The wisdom literature and the song of songs offer a vivid portrayal of marital
love as a gift from God. The intimacy of the bride and groom is interpreted as a
reflection of God’s love for his people. All these expose the biblical understanding
of marriage as a covenantal bond, emphasising fidelity, mutual affection, and
divine blessing.
In the New Testament, Christ gave marriage a new depth and more profound
appreciation. He not only raised marriage to the dignity of a saving mystery
according to the divine will but also honoured the sacrament of marriage by
attending a wedding feast. Again, by performing His first miracle at a wedding
feast, Jesus sanctifies the marital bond and reveals the abundance of divine grace
available to married couples.
26. Jesus and the Apostles reaffirm the sanctity and indissolubility of marriage
while emphasising its sacramental and eschatological dimensions. St. Paul
emphasized marriage as a mystery, an image of the bond between Christ and the
Church.
The nuptial imagery reaches its culminating point in the book of Revelation,
where the heavenly banquet is described as the wedding supper of the Lamb (Rev.
19: 9).CHAPTER THREE
HISTORICAL DEVELOPMENT
27. The early Fathers of the Church played a crucial role in shaping the
theological understanding of marriage. Grounding their teachings in Scripture
while responding to the cultural, social, and philosophical challenges of their
times, their writings provide rich insights into the sacramental nature, moral
obligations, and spiritual significance of marriage in the Christian life.
28. The Church Fathers, frequently emphasised the sacramental and mystical
dimensions of marriage. Saint Augustine of Hippo (354 – 430AD), one of the
most influential theologians of the early Church, described marriage as
sacramental, a term that conveys both its sacred nature and its role as a sign of
divine grace. Augustine argued that marriage reflects the unity and indissolubility
of the bond between Christ and His Church.
In his work, the Good of Marriage (De Bono Conuigali), Augustine identifies
three Key goods of marriage, namely; offspring, fidelity and sacred bond. These
goods named by Augustine became the theological and moral frame work the
Church would develop over subsequent centuries.
29. St. John Chrysostom (c.347 – 407 AD), another prominent Father of the
Church, wrote extensively about married couples’ spiritual and moral
responsibilities. He viewed marriage as a ‘‘great mystery’’ (Eph. 5: 32) and a
means of sanctification. For him the self-giving love of Christ should be the norm
for spouses.
In the patristic era, however, there existed a tension between the high esteem for
virginity and celibacy and the recognition of marriage as a divine institution.
Some Church Fathers considered virginity as a superior state being influenced by
the ascetic ideals of the time. However, other Church Fathers like Augustine and
Chrysostom provided a balanced perspective, affirming the sanctity and
indispensability of marriage within God’s plan. While acknowledging the exalted
status of virginity and celibacy, the Fathers also affirmed the goodness and
necessity of marriage for the continuation of humanity and increasing the
Christian communities.
30. Many other Fathers of the patristic time like St. Ambrose of Milan (c. 340 –
397 AD), St. Gregory of Nyssa (c. 335 – 395 AD), and St. Basil the Great (c. 329
– 379 AD), contributed to the discuss.
Among other points, they emphasised the permanence in marriage, its nature as
a school of virtue and means of sanctification.In all, the writings of the Church Fathers laid the theological foundation for the
Church’s teaching on marriage, influencing later councils and doctrinal
developments. Their emphasis on marriage as a sacrament, a covenant, and a
means of sanctification continues to shape Catholic Theology.
MEDIEVAL AND SCHOLASTIC CONTRIBUTIONS
31. The Fathers and theologians of the scholastic tradition made significant
contributions to the theological discussions on marriage. Scholars like St. Thomas
Aquinas, Peter Lombard and Gratian, influenced the identification of marriage as
a covenant and as one of the seven sacraments. These were later taken up and
reconfirmed by the fourth Lateran council, the council of Trent and the council of
Lyons.
THE REFORMATION ON MARRIAGE
32. Some scholars led by Martin Luther of the protestant reformation accepted
marriage as a natural and honourable state but rejected the idea of marriage as a
sacrament. These protestant reformers include Martin Luther, John Calvin and
Huldrych. They accepted marriage as divinely instituted but rejected the notion
that it can be a means of holiness. Marriage for them is just a civil contract which
can be dissolved.
THE SECOND VATICAN COUNCIL (1962 – 1965)
33. The Vatican Council II built on the gains of the previous catholic theological
developments on marriage. The Venerable Fathers corrected the errors of
protestant reformation and presented a clear theological view on marriage. With
the Vatican reforms, marriage is hence viewed as an irrevocable partnership of
the whole life between couples – a man and a woman – entered by a covenant of
love for procreation and education of children. This view is based on the Bible
especially the teachings of Christ and the Apostles.
THE CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH ON MARRIAGE
34. The Catechism of the Catholic Church provides a comprehensive and deep
reflection on marriage.
Marriage is a mystery in the economy of salvation. It is a divine institution
established by God in the Garden of Eden. It is elevated and perfected by Christ
in the New covenant as a sacrament.
35. The dual purpose of marriage are: the procreation and education of children
and the mutual good of the spouses. Marriage is not only about the personal
fulfilment of the couple but is intrinsically oriented towards the transmission of
life and the formation of a Christian family. The catechism also teaches thebroader moral and social implication of marriage as a means of sanctifying the
world.
The teaching on marriage is rooted in the dignity of the human person, the
sacredness of the marital Bond and the call to live out God’s love in a way that
transforms the couple and the wider society.CHAPTER FOUR
THE MYSTERY AND THEOLOGY OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
36. The idea of marriage as a mystery is a concept deeply entrenched in the Holy
Scripture. The Bible refers to marriage as a representation of the relationship
between Christ and his Church. The mystery of marriage is a profound truth that
reveals great realities of eternal significance. Marriage contains and conceals a
deep meaning far greater than what our natural eyes can see. No wonder St. Paul
calls it a mystery (cf. Eph. 5:31-33).
4.1MARRIAGE AS A SACRAMENT
37. For Christians, marriage is a sacrament. The Church teaches that Christ Jesus
took a natural relationship of love that exists between a man and a woman and
transformed it into a place of encounter with God. He further made it a means
through which God manifests his love for humanity. According to the Catechism
of the Catholic Church, “Christian marriage in its turn becomes an efficacious
sign, the sacrament of the covenant of Christ and the Church. Since it signifies
and communicates grace, marriage between baptized persons is a true sacrament
of the New Covenant” (CCC, no. 1617).
38. Like other sacraments, marriage is an outward sign of inward grace. It is a
sign through which divine life and love are communicated to human beings. In
the sacrament of marriage, the love of God becomes available to the husband and
wife in their union and through them to their family and community. In marriage,
the grace of the sacrament brings to the spouses the spiritual assistance they need
in order to fulfill their duties efficiently both to themselves, their children and
their community. Indeed, they become sacramentals as they live their lives in
Christ and Christ acts through them.
The Fathers of the Second Vatican Council explained that, “authentic married
love is caught up into divine love and is governed and enriched by Christ’s
redeeming power and the saving activity of the Church, so that this love may lead
the spouses to God with powerful effect and may aid and strengthen them in
sublime office of being a father and a mother…” (GS. no. 48).
On his part, St. Pope Paul VI, reminds Christian couples that theirs is a special
vocation to parenthood and their duties as Christians. It is therefore a special
sacrament.4.2MARRIAGE AS AN IMAGE OF THE HOLY TRINITY
39. The Church teaches that in marriage, man and woman together manifest the
image of the Holy Trinity. This is based on the interpretation of Genesis 1:27
which says that, “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he
created him, male and female he created them”.
Husband and wife are called to mirror the fruitful love of the Holy Trinity. They
are to live in a manner that reflects the self-giving, life-giving love of the Most
Holy Trinity. The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes the Christian
marriage as “a communion of persons, a sign and image of the communion of the
Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit. In the procreation and education of
Children, it reflects the Father’s work of creation” (CCC, no. 2205).
4.3MARRIAGE AS THE FOUNDATION OF FAMILY
40. God established marriage as the first and most fundamental element of human
society. While the family is the basic foundation of any healthy society, marriage
is the foundation of the family. Marriage is a foundational institution that predates
all other institutions. Before ever nations came to exist, or governments began to
function, before ever Churches, schools, or businesses were founded, there was
the family, and before the family there was marriage.
41. Pope, St John Paul II teaches that, “according to the plan of God, marriage is
the foundation of the wider community of the family, since the very institution of
marriage and conjugal love are ordained to the procreation and education of
children, in whom they find their crowning” (Familiaris Consortio, no. 14). In his
rich catechesis, the Pope reminds us that God created people not to be alone in
the world but to live in community, to live as a family. The source of this
community is marriage. If marriages crumble, the family crumbles with it. Today,
it is not difficult to see the tragic and costly effects of marriage breakdown in our
society. A broken marriage has significant effects on the family and the society at
large. Often, both the parents and the children of broken families experience
emotional trauma, anxiety, feelings of failure and many other psychological and
physical health problems. Failure in marriage is also responsible for the increased
crime rates in our society today.
42. The family comes from marriage. It is in the family that a child is introduced
into what it means to be human and the experience of the love of God. When there
is no marriage and therefore no family, human beings tend to behave more like
wild animals. Pope, St. John Paul II teaches that, in matrimony and in the family,a complex of interpersonal relationships is set up – married life, fatherhood and
motherhood, filiation and fraternity – through which each human person is
introduced into the “human family” and into the “family of God”, which is the
Church. Christian marriage and the Christian family build up the Church: for in
the family the human person is not only brought into being and progressively
introduced by means of education into the human community, but by means of
the rebirth of baptism and education in the faith, the child is also introduced into
God’s family, which is the Church. The human family, disunited by sin, is
reconstituted in its unity by the redemptive power of the death and resurrection
of Christ. Christian marriage, by participating in the salvific efficacy of this event,
constitutes the natural setting in which the human person is introduced into the
great family of the Church (cf. Familiaris Consortio, no. 15).
43. It is the duty of the parents to present their children for baptism and thereafter
become their first evangelizers and teachers in the Faith. They evangelize the
children by teaching them how to pray and by praying with them. They bring their
children to Mass and familiarize them with Bible stories. It is in the family that
parents show their children how to obey Gods commandments and how to live a
Christian life of holiness. Therefore, marriage remains the foundation of both the
family and the society.
4.4MARRIAGE AS A GIFT AND A RESPONSIBILITY
44. By its very nature and from the teachings of the Church, marriage is a gift
from God that comes with responsibilities for both spouses and even the
community. Marriage is one of the first gifts of God to man, when He decided
that it’s not good for man to be alone. It is an integral part of God’s created order,
meant to reflect the relationship between the Blessed Trinity. As a gift which
provides the foundation of the human family, marriage is a vocation to
parenthood; an invitation to self-sacrificial love; an invitation to wholeness and
fullness; it is a gift which helps man and woman to find the complementarity
inherent in married love.
45. Christian marriage is also a responsibility. The couples have duties to
themselves, duties to their children and duties to the wider community. For a
happy and healthy marriage, the marriage burdens should never rest on the
shoulders of one of the partners alone. Each should take part in the education of
children and addressing all the problems in the family. Marriage is also a
responsibility for the community especially the Christian community whichrecognizes each family as a gift from God and part of the larger family of God
which is the Church.
4.5MARRIAGE AS A PATHWAY TO SALVATION
46. Christian marriage is a state with special grace from God. It is the pathway
for spouses to lead one another to heaven. The grace proper to the state of
matrimony is intended to perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their
indissoluble unity so that they may “help one another to attain holiness in their
married life and in welcoming and educating their children” (CCC, no. 1641).
47. The holy priest, St. Josemaria Escriva, whenever newly married couples went
to him for counselling, he would say to the husband, “your wife is your pathway
to heaven”. Then he would turn to the wife and say the same. It is his own way
of teaching the couple to love each other unconditionally, to live out the love of
Christ in their family life and transform their marriage into a divine passage.
Also, while Pope, St. John Paul II was speaking to a gathering of newly married
couples, he told them that the Christian vision of marriage is indeed demanding
because it is nothing less than genuine holiness. But God offers you all the means
that you will need. The goal is very high but the means to get there are also
available. Thus, marriage involves mutual assistance of the spouses in growing
in holiness with the goal of reaching heaven.CHAPTER FIVE
PASTORAL CARE OF THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
48. Proper care of Christian marriage or Christian family begins with pre-
marriage preparations and making the right choice. The Bible says that, “houses
and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Prov.
19:14). Again, it warns that “a quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky
roof in a rainstorm, restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with
the hand” (Prov. 27:15-16). These passages apply to men and women alike.
Therefore, choosing a good partner is a major step towards entering a good
marriage according to the mind of God. Here, we shall offer some biblical
principles and wise counsels that can help young people or prospective couples
to make the best choice of their marriage partners. There are some character traits
and biblical principles to look for while choosing a prospective marriage partner.
These include the following:
5.1LOVE
49. Love is the best quality and the master key to any meaningful marriage. St.
Paul summarized the value and indispensable nature of love when he said, “if I
speak in tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding
gong or a clashing cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all
mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but
do not have love. I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my
body to hardship that I may be burnt, but do not have love, I gain nothing” (1 Cor.
13:1-3).
Love in marriage is more than just a feeling or a passing emotion. It is a choice.
It is a necessary part of marriage. It is a decision one makes every day in regard
to his or her spouse. Marital love needs to be renewed daily.
Love is the master key to every genuine human relationship and it is more
fundamental and indispensable in marriage. St. Paul insists that love should
supersede every other attitude when he says, “above all, clothe yourselves with
love which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Col. 3:14). Where
there is no true love in a marriage relationship, then there is no marriage. When
there is doubt about the love of a prospective partner, it is better to suspend such
marriage arrangement.5.2FEAR OF THE LORD
50. The Holy Scripture warns that, “charm is deceitful and beauty vain, but a
woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Prov. 31:30). Sometimes, a
prospective marriage partner focuses his or her attention on external and
ephemeral attributes like physical appearance, wealth, level of education etc. All
these are important but they should not be emphasized at the expense of things
more fundamental and spiritual. Any Christian who discerns that his or her
prospective partner does not fear God and continues with the marriage is heading
to doom.
51. One who fears God makes sincere effort to obey his commandments. Such a
person is prayerful and has love and respect for others especially those around
him. Any marriage where the man and the woman have fear of God will be
blessed. They will also be a blessing to their children and community. The bible
invites us to “fear God and keep his commandments, for that is the whole duty of
man” (Eccl. 12:13).
An aspect of love and fear of God that is indispensable in marriage is life of
prayer. A family that prays enjoys God’s blessings. St. Paul advised all Christians
to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thes. 5:17). Prayer connects a Christian to God as
branches are connected to the vine. If your would-be bride or groom has no regard
for prayer, you better reconsider your plan.
5.3WISDOM
52. The bible declares that “the excellent wife opens her mouth with wisdom”
(Prov. 31:26). The same is applicable to the excellent husband. Wisdom is having
sound judgment and knowing how to apply experience and knowledge in order
to achieve desirable and morally good ends. It is the power and the will to see and
choose the best and highest goal, together with the surest means to attain it.
Wisdom is beyond intelligence. They are not the same. In fact, there are many
intelligent people who are foolish.
Wisdom in its totality includes discretion, caution, prudence, foresight and
diplomacy. These are very good habits which spice up every marriage and
guarantee success.
5.4GOOD WORK ETHICS
53. One of the major character traits which a prospective partner should look for
in the other is the person’s sense of duty and work ethics. Proverbs 31:27 saysthat a good wife “does not eat the bread of idleness”. The Bible is full of praises
for those who attend to their work with diligence, dedication and special care. St.
Paul has this to say, “in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you,
brothers and sisters, to keep away from every believer who is idle and disruptive
and does not live according to the teaching you received from us. For you
yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we
were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it. On the contrary,
we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden
to any of you. We did this not because we do not have the right to such help, but
in order to offer ourselves as a model for you to emulate. For even when we were
with you, we gave you this rule: the one who is unwilling to work shall not eat”
(2 Thess. 3:6-10). A good partner should be one who values hard work and
engages himself or herself meaningfully.
5.5ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE
54. Anyone who scorns communication or dialogue is not a good material for
husband or wife. Many marriages today have failed because of the inability of the
couple to communicate with each other. True communication can only occur in
an environment of love and truthfulness, an environment conducive for honest
self-expression. Just talking to each other does not necessarily mean meaningful
communication. True communication and dialogue involve sincerity, charity,
truthfulness and openness to learn, share and grow with each other. Couples who
cannot engage themselves in a meaningful communication, can hardly make a
good husband and wife. Communication is to marriage what blood is to life. It is
therefore difficult to have a healthy marriage without genuine communication.
5.6COMPASSION
55. The book of proverbs described a good wife as one who “opens her hand to
the poor and reaches out her hand to the needy” (Prov. 31:20). This applies even
more to a good husband. Compassion is a key quality in a healthy marriage. In a
relationship, compassion means being aware of your partner’s feelings, needs,
and struggles and taking positive steps or initiative to address them. It means
making effort to see things from your partner’s point of view, that is,
understanding what your partner is going through. Compassion fosters kindness,
forgiveness, generosity, charity and sympathy. It involves using a gentle,
respectful tone even during disagreements and being patient with each other’s
imperfections and flaws. One who lacks compassion may not be considered a
good material for husband or wife.5.7SELF-CONTROL
56. The book of Proverbs says that “a man without self-control is like a city
broken into and left without walls” (Prov. 25:28). A prospective marriage partner
should be a person who practices self-control otherwise such a marriage will turn
into a constant quarrels or quasi hell on earth. A candidate for marriage must be
able to manage his or her anger. Many people in marriage today experience verbal
or physical abuse due to lack of self-control from their spouse.
With self-control there will be discipline, tolerance, moderation in food and
drinks, marital fidelity and many other virtues which make the family a happy,
holy and responsible one.
5.8NECESSARY PREPARATIONS FOR MARRIAGE
57. A happy marriage does not fall from the air, nor does it fall from heaven. Like
any other serious undertaking in life, marriage needs proper planning and
preparation. Our Lord, Jesus Christ in his teachings, reminds us that if one wants
to build a tower, he should first of all plan and prepare (cf. Lk. 14:28-30).
St. John Paul II teaches that, “the changes that have taken place within almost all
modern societies demand that not only the family but also the society and the
Church should be involved in the effort of properly preparing young people for
their future marriage responsibilities” (cf. Familiaris Consortio, no. 66).
58. The Church identifies three stages of preparations namely remote preparation,
proximate preparation and immediate preparation. The first begins in the family
when the child learns from the parents’ various values, identity and character. The
second stage of preparation is around the adolescent age when the child learns
gender differentiation and the sacrament of marriage. While the third stage or
immediate preparation starts when a man and a woman are preparing for the
sacrament of matrimony.
59. The family, the clergy and the lay ministers have specific roles to play. Lack
of proper preparation for marriage leads to early misunderstanding and
sometimes total breakdown.
Prayer and pre-marriage catechesis are essential parts of preparation for a happy,
successful and holy marriage. Lack of proper preparation is an application for
failure in marriage.CHAPTER SIX
CONTEMPORARY CHALLENGES TO THE MARRIAGE
INSTITUTION
60. The traditional Christian understanding of marriage is today experiencing
profound changes and challenges. Some shifts in cultural, anthropological, social
and philosophical paradigms tend to impact negatively on the marriage
institution. Beliefs and expectations about marriage are changing together with
changes in people’s perception of sexuality and gender roles. The Church, faithful
to divine revelation has a pastoral duty to engage with the rapidly changing world
and show the light of truth. Here we shall discuss some of the fundamental
challenges that threaten true marriage today. They include:
6.1NEGATIVE EFFECT OF SOCIAL MEDIA
61. There are many positive contributions of the social media in the advancement
and improvement of human life today. However, there are also many negative
impacts of social media especially on some major institutions in our society. The
institution of marriage has a significant share of these negative impacts. In our
present-day society, social media has drastically affected the natural relationship
that should exist between husband and wife. Some couples have become strangers
to each other as they live under the same roof but with very limited
communication. They are busy with phone calls and text messages with people
outside while widening the communication gap within the family. In addition to
the huge time wasted on the internet by those who have become addicted to the
media, some marriages have suffered a total breakdown because one or both of
the spouses are addicted to the adult content of the social media.
Therefore, couples must manage the media in such a way as to benefit from its
many positive values.
6.2ARTIFICIAL BIRTH CONTROL
62. St. Pope Paul VI, teaches in his book Humanae Vitae (1968), that “the
transmission of human life is a most serious role in which married people
collaborate freely and responsibly with God the creator. It has always been a
source of great joy to them, even though it sometimes entails many difficulties and
hardships. The fulfilment of this duty has always posed problems to the
conscience of married people, but the recent course of human society and the
concomitant changes have provoked new questions. The Church cannot ignorethese questions, for they concern matters intimately connected with the life and
happiness of human beings” (Humanae Vitae, no. 1).
This encyclical reaffirms the Catholic Church’s teachings on birth control,
marriage and responsible parenthood. One of the new questions provoked by
modern society is the question of contraception. The term comes from two Latin
words: “contra” meaning against and “conceptio” meaning conception. Literally,
the term means “against conception”. It therefore came to mean any artificial or
unnatural means that stands against the conception of life in the womb.
63. The Church teaches that any artificial means of interrupting or terminating an
act of generation of life is against the plan and will of God. The Catholic Church
does not approve of the use of any form of artificial birth control, and considers
its use by one or both of the spouses as a grave sin. Such separates the unitive and
procreative aspects of the conjugal act.
The Catholic Church supports the method of Natural Family Planning because it
respects God’s design for married love.
6.3SAME-SEX UNION
64. One of the most troubling propositions in the contemporary society is the
argument that man and man or woman and woman can marry. This proposal or
argument does not have any reasonable or logical conviction. The Church’s
teaching on marriage is deeply rooted on the complementarity of male and female
as expressed in the book of Genesis account: “male and female, He created them”
(Gen. 1:27). Only the union of male and female in marriage can express the
complementarity willed by God.
To promote the error of same-sex union would be to subvert the good of the
individual men and women involved, to destroy the family which is the basis of
the human society and obliterate the means of generating children on earth.
6.4DIVORCE
65. It is true that due to their hardness of heart, Moses permitted divorce in
Judaism, but Christ restored God’s original order of creation with its high ideals
for marriage and family. By coming to restore the original order of creation
disturbed by sin, Christ himself gives the strength and grace to live the sacrament
of marriage in the new dimension of the Reign of God. (cf. CCC. no. 1615).Just as God’s covenant with his people is indissoluble, so, Jesus insisted, that
Christian marriage is indissoluble: “what God has joined together, man must not
divide” (Matt. 19:6). The Christian marriage is a special and unique relationship,
meant to be a permanent love bond between one man and one woman.
6.5COHABITATION
66. Cohabitation has been commonly described as “living together”. It refers to
the relationship of a man and a woman who are adults, who also live together as
man and wife without the sacrament of marriage.
Though such couples have many reasons like economic reason, the desire to know
each other better and some others, which they give as justification for their deeds,
research shows that they generally end up in sadness and separation.
67. The Church teaches that living together as husband and wife without the
sacrament or covenant of marriage is gravely immoral. At the core of cohabitation
is the reluctance to make a permanent spiritual commitment which is the heart of
marriage. Christians are advised not to get into such relationships.
There are many other challenges which active prayer life and sincere love
between the couples will overcome with ease.CHAPTER SEVEN
TOWARDS A HAPPY AND HEALTHY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
68. There is a saying that the real work of marriage begins after the wedding.
However, many young people make a lot of preparations for the wedding day
with very little preparation for the marriage. The wedding is for one day while
marriage is for life. After the wedding, the couple is invited to grow in love
through the grace of God, in such a way that their love becomes the image of the
love of Christ for his Church.
In this chapter, we shall reflect on some major ways through which married
couples can grow in love and strengthen their marriage bond continually.
7.1LIFE OF GRATITUDE
69. In the biblical narration of the creation of man and woman, after God created
Eve and presented her to the man, Adam who could not contain his joy exclaimed
in gratuitous amazement, “this at last is the bone of my bones and flesh of my
flesh; she shall be called woman…” (Gen. 2:23). It was an expression of joy and
gratitude for the gift he has received from God. Eve too, must have felt the same.
Gratitude therefore was the first reaction of Adam after receiving his wife.
Gratitude as a virtue is very critical for success in married life. When husband
and wife live a constant life of gratitude, their marriage will be like heaven on
earth. The husband and wife are to see each other as special gifts from God, which
calls for gratitude. This gratitude can be expressed in many ways: to God who
gave you to each other, to your children the fruits of your love, to your extended
family and friends, and finally to each other. Learn to appreciate the good deeds
of each other. Learn to complement each other and reassure your spouse of your
love. The virtue of gratitude will compel you to be prayerful to appreciate the
goodness of God and request his blessings. In all, we recall that the attitude of
gratitude leads to beatitude.
7.2GROWTH IN THE LIFE OF VIRTUES
70. The vocation to marriage like any other Christian life is an invitation to live
out the virtues of faith, hope and charity.
The first virtue they are called to embrace and live is faith. With faith they can
navigate the ups and downs of life and see the loving hand of providence in their
lives. The second is the virtue of love which the Scripture assures us conquers allchallenges. With love they will see the best in each other and assist each other to
grow in the love and friendship with God. And, with hope they will have the
confidence in God to trust in what God can do for them. The virtue of chastity in
the married life will never be negotiated. It is a priority in their life. Finally, prayer
life should be practiced and promoted in their family. They should take everything
to God through prayer.
7.3PEACEFUL METHOD OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION
71. Maturity in marriage means the ability to resolve disagreement in a peaceful
and healthy manner. Resolving marriage conflicts maturely can lead to personal
holiness and development of good character. This also applies to peaceful
management of finances and other domestic issues.
7.4LOVE OF THE HOLY EUCHARIST
72. Pope Benedict XVI in his Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation, Sacramentum
Caritatis, declares that, “The Eucharist, as the Sacrament of Charity, has a
particular relationship with the love of man and woman united in marriage. A
deeper understanding of this relationship is needed at the present time”
(Sacramentum Caritatis, no. 27).
The Sacraments of Matrimony and the Holy Eucharist are ordered towards a
communion of persons and the virtue of charity. Marriage is the communion of
one man and one woman, who become one flesh. The Holy Eucharist is the
communion between the communicant and the body, blood, soul and divinity of
Christ.
The love and proper devotion to the Holy Eucharist will attract blessings of unity
and deeper love on married couples. In both sacraments of the Eucharist and
Matrimony we experience self-giving, transformation and fruitfulness. Devotion
to the Holy Eucharist gives deeper meaning to Christian marriage.
7.5LEARNING FROM THE EXAMPLE OF MARY AND JOSEPH
73. Mary and Joseph are perfect examples of marital love. Spouses have a lot to
learn from them. Some of these qualities include:
• 74. Reverential fear of God: Mary and Joseph feared God. Here,
fear of God is not being scared or afraid but having reverence and
love of God. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom according
to the Scriptures. Fear of God means, the readiness to please God atall times despite the conditions and challenges of life. This is
recommended for every Christian couple.
• 75. Listening to the voice of God: Mary and Joseph were in
communication with God through prayer. Marriage cannot survive
without prayer. Mary and Joseph were able to hear the Angels of
God who revealed the plans of God and told them, “Do not be
afraid” (Lk. 1:31; Matt. 1:20). Through prayer you can hear God and
his Angels.
• 76. Obedience to God: One thing is to hear the Lord, another is to
obey him. Mary and Joseph obeyed God. The Bible says, “when
Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the Angel of the Lord commanded
him, and took Mary as his wife” (cf. Matt. 1:24). Christian couples
should not only listen to God but should obey God’s voice.
• 77. Walking with the Holy Spirit: Mary and Joseph were always
open to the Holy Spirit. Christian couples are called not to suppress
the voice and promptings of the Holy Spirit.
• 78. Togetherness: Joseph and Mary were always together as
husband and wife. They shared family responsibilities together, from
the birth of Christ at Bethlehem, the flight into Egypt, to the finding
in the temple (LK. 2:41-52). For a good marriage, the couples are
expected to join hands together to achieve their set goals, and
overcome difficult situations together. Couples can learn from Mary
and Joseph.
• 79. Living in married chastity: Mary and Joseph were completely
chaste in their love. They were innocent and convinced of the
innocence of each other. Joseph was convinced of Mary’s innocence
and was ready to break the Jewish law in order to save her when he
discovered she was pregnant. Pope, St. John Paul II, described the
marriage of Mary and Joseph as a holy union, through which Christ
the Lord purified and sanctified the family as a sanctuary of love and
cradle of life (cf. Redemptoris Custos, no. 7). Christian couples
should promote purity and chastity.
• 80. Make room for Jesus in your home: Mary and Joseph made
Jesus the centre of their married life. He was the centre of their
married love and their home. When Jesus who is love, the way, the
truth and life is at the centre of any family, then that family is withGod. Spouses should welcome Jesus as part of their family learning
from the Holy Family.CONCLUSION
“And two of them become one body.…” (cf. Gen. 2:18ff; Matt. 19:5; Mk. 10:8).
81. The Scriptural foundation provides the theological bedrock upon which the
Church has built its understanding of marriage. Through the perspective of
Catholic theology, marriage emerges as a profound mystery rooted in the divine
plan and nature of humanity.
This study reveals that marriage is a covenant, a mystery, a union of one man and
one woman into a living image of the Holy Trinity. It is a manifestation of the
love of Christ for his Church, the foundation of the family institution and the
natural context for procreation and education of children.
For marriage to survive in our contemporary society, we must rediscover the
original plan and design of God about marriage. This is what this pastoral letter
helps to achieve. Marriage is a communion of life and love meant to mirror the
unity and communion of the Blessed Trinity.PRAYER
82. Be attentive to our prayers, Oh Lord, and in your kindness uphold what
you have established for the increase of the human race, so that the union you
have created may be kept safe by your assistance. Through Our Lord Jesus
Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
God, forever and ever, Amen.
(From the collect for the celebration of Christian Marriage)
Given in Onitsha, at the Cathedral Basilica of the Most Holy Trinity, on 5th
March, Ash Wednesday, in the year of Our Lord 2025.
MOST REV. VALERIAN M. OKEKE
ARCHBISHOP OF ONITSHAArchbishop Valerian Okeke Pastoral Letter Series
1. That they may have life (2004)
2. The Measure of Love (2005)
3. Our Glorious Heritage (2005)
4. If only you have faith (2006)
5. Go make Disciples of all Nations (2006)
6. You and the Common Good (2007)
7. The Family and Human Life (2008)
8. Our Greatest Legacy (2009)
9. The Splendour of Prayer (2010)
10. Gratitude (2011)
11. The Dignity of Labour (2012)
12. Living Hope (2013)
13. Catholic Education and National Development (2014)
14. Democracy and Christian Values (2015)
15. Blessed are the Merciful (2016)
16. Blessed are the Peacemakers (2017)
17. Mary our Mother (2018)
18. The Holy Eucharist: Our Strength (2019)
19. The Sacraments: Our Treasure (2020)
20. The Priesthood: Gift and Sacrifice (2021)
21. The Holy Spirit: Man’s Helper and Friend (2022)
22. The Hour of Glory: Suffering in the Life of a Christian (2023)
23. Blessed are the Pure in Heart (2024)
24. And The Two Become One: Towards A Christian Marriage (2025)
To read visit
www.archbishopvalokeke.org/mypastoralletters/